It took only a second before I realised where I was… I was breathing heavily and could feel the tingle of adrenalin in my fingertips. I opened my eyes and focused on the metronomic thump, thump, thump of my heart as it slowly returned to its nominal regularity. A bead of sweat tracked its way behind my ear and was absorbed in my pillow. I was not scared, for it was not the first time that I’d had this dream.
I closed my eyes, concentrating on the clarity and detail that were already dispersing. I could still sense the rage of battle, the focus when facing a swordsman as good as I, the echoing screams around me, the coppery taste blood and the impact of metal against metal.
And then the pain, sudden, debilitating, excruciating pain, coupled with the helplessness of trying to remove the burning, screaming sword from my body. And then I felt the sadness as I saw the face of my assassin, a murderer who was once a friend. A jealous man who was promised to a woman I loved, who I loved with my whole being and who, in return, loved me.
I opened my eyes again and shook my head. A diagonal column of orange sunlight cut through the gloom of my bedroom, picking out the ever moving particles of dust before cutting a rectangle square of brightness on the opposite wall. It was already mid-morning. I threw the duvet off and led naked and motionless contemplating my emotional state.
I decided that this systematic, repeating dream was my brains attempt to make sense of feelings, emotions and experiences that have been passed along through centuries, from death to the next birth in a nonlinear perpetual chain. The genes and feelings permeating nature then reoccurring cyclically and eternally like natural life itself. I was remembering a past life, a past death and a past love. An instant in time so powerful it remained imprinted on the world and passed down through subsequent lives.
I took a long deep breath. Actually I was happy in my life, I had everything a man could want or need and yet a part of my heart had once been freely and forever given to another. Someone had given part of their heart to me in return. I had accepted long ago that I would always feel that something was kind of missing. I smiled to myself as I realized that somewhere in the world; someone would be feeling exactly as I was right at that moment. I took another deep breath and sighed out loud, perhaps I would always be searching for that once lost love as she would be searching for hers. I would always know she is out there somewhere but perhaps I would never know who she was or if we would ever get the chance to meet…. again.
I got up and opened the curtains; sadness remained in my soul but despite that I had a feeling it might just turn out to be a good day.